if i'd known then what i know now...
every little girl buys into the fairy tale. her prince charming is going to come riding in on a white horse to rescue her, put her up in a palace, and the two will live happily ever after.
i call bullshit.
cynical much? nah...just realistic.
i used to be THAT girl. i have a decent job. i work for the state. i was fine with having retirement and a 401K. that's cool; i can work for twenty some odd years and then retire and do what i really want to do. i'm thinking i'll work in a coffee shop or a cool cafe. and my hubby would pay for the rest. yeah, that's my future.
but then he leaves you. "he", being the man who was supposed to supply the fairy tale that everyone buys into. the prince charming that was supposed to put you up in that palace.
yeah, exactly. your prince charming decides to leave you. someone younger, prettier. whatever.
there were several months in which i wallowed in self pity. how did this happen to me? why is god punishing me?
and then i realized that i wasn't being punished. i was being blessed.
until now, my blogs have been light and fluffy. humorous. but today, i'm feeling real. so here you go.
there's no way to glamorize single motherhood. well, unless you're a freaking kardashian or something. ooh, look at my perfect preggo belly and my nursery that louis vuitton himself designed. i mean, seriously...being a single mom is hard. but having no money makes it considerably harder.
i didn't marry for security. i married for love. but sometimes, it doesn't always work itself out as planned. i do what i can. i make ends meet...barely. i work hard. and i get child support, which is more than a lot of women get. i'm thankful. but still..it's hard... and that's not the life i envisioned for myself...or my girls. i mean, who does? who wants to just get by?
i'm sorry...but think about it, ladies. what if you had to do it all yourself? no hubby to get the kids in the bath, no 2nd income, nobody helping with homework.
i always admired my single mommy friends, but i never appreciated them. really appreciated them. dear god, i do now.
you girls rock!
i wish i had it all together. i wish i could say that i can do it. but i can't. hell, i'm far from it. i do well to get us all dressed in the morning. but my kids are fed, they're dressed, and they're loved beyond belief. i'd say they're better off than most.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
a little bit of bad in the best of us
i remember saying my first curse word. i was in the 5th grade. i was playing with my best friend in the creek beside her grandmother's house when i forced that four letter word from my lips. truth be told, she made me say it. we still laugh about it, because the only reason i said it--aside from always having VERY easily given in to peer pressure--was because she had called me a "goody two-shoes".
really? what does that even mean? the phrase doesn't even make sense. but to a 10 year old wanting to seem cool, being a goody two-shoes is most definitely NOT the way to go about it. so i said it. i think it was damn. maybe hell. but whatever it was, a funny thing happened; after i said it, i wanted to say it again. it was like being just a little bit bad felt just a little good. i mean, it's not like it all went downhill from there. cussing wasn't my gateway sin into hard drugs or robbery or anything major. but let's face it; everyone has a little mean streak. a little bit of bad.
i remember ella's first curse word. i think she was 4. we were frantically searching for the car in walmart's parking lot, a pastime in which i regret to say i've spent way too much time participating. finally, exasperated, ella sighs, "well, where the hell is it?"
i was mortified. my sweet ella, as fed up as i was with pacing down each aisle of cars looking for our own, had verbalized what i was thinking. i briefly scolded her, but the shame on her little face broke my heart because i knew that she had quite possibly heard the word from me, and that she didn't realize it was wrong.
that was just her first time. the second was when she couldn't pass a level on one of her nintendo ds games. we were waiting in line for an oil change and the girls were getting antsy. she had been grunting and mumbling under her breath, so i knew she was becoming aggravated with whatever it was she was doing in the backseat. all of a sudden, i hear "what the hell?" and almost immediately following came sobs of guilt. oh geez. what is it with that word? what is it with saying something wrong so that we can feel just a little better? even if we end up feeling even worse afterwards?
now, madelyn is different. she's always been about as straight-laced as they come. a couple of times, she's gotten tongue-tied and accidentally let one word slip, but meant another. and even that unintentional slip of the tongue has made her so embarrassed and ashamed that she nearly bursts into tears. but for the most part, she knows right from wrong and does her best to never stray from these truths. i see so much of myself in that child. the people pleasing, rule abiding, trouble avoiding 10 year old that i once was. don't get me wrong, she has her vices. she loves to get mad and scream at the top of her lungs when she doesn't get her way, or lose her temper and shove her sister when she gets on her nerves, just because it feel good to get out the frustration. for a brief moment, there's a sweet release in just being mean.
but i see something in both of my girls that makes me so proud. despite our penchant for huffing and puffing and the occasional ugly word, my children possess a genuine sense of empathy and compassion. they have a conscience. they have such a love of others and a true understanding of they should and should no do. they are good, good kids. the other day, we were in a shopping plaza and saw an old man sitting in the doorway of an unoccupied space. he may or may not have been homeless, but he did appear to be lonely, perhaps down on his luck, and both girls sensed this. ella grabbed my hand as we walked. "what if he doesn't have anything?" and then madelyn, upon returning to the car, dropped her head and prayed. she didn't have to tell me she was praying for the old man, though she did. i just knew.
i worry about raising my girls. every day, i'm scared to death of what this cruel world is going to do to them. how cold and jaded it may turn them. and raising them alone only exacerbates these fears. i thank god every waking hour that i have someone who shares my morals and core family values and helps me instill these in my children, but wow...parenting is not easy. all i can do is pray that i'm doing a good job. i'd even settle for decent job. but every once in a while, god gives me a little sign that maybe, just maybe, i am. every time my child prays without being told before a meal or sheds a tear for a man asking for change, i get a little confirmation. maybe i need to stop beating myself up and accept that i'm not doing as bad a job as i sometimes feel that i am...
...even when my 6 year old swears at her video games. :)
really? what does that even mean? the phrase doesn't even make sense. but to a 10 year old wanting to seem cool, being a goody two-shoes is most definitely NOT the way to go about it. so i said it. i think it was damn. maybe hell. but whatever it was, a funny thing happened; after i said it, i wanted to say it again. it was like being just a little bit bad felt just a little good. i mean, it's not like it all went downhill from there. cussing wasn't my gateway sin into hard drugs or robbery or anything major. but let's face it; everyone has a little mean streak. a little bit of bad.
i remember ella's first curse word. i think she was 4. we were frantically searching for the car in walmart's parking lot, a pastime in which i regret to say i've spent way too much time participating. finally, exasperated, ella sighs, "well, where the hell is it?"
i was mortified. my sweet ella, as fed up as i was with pacing down each aisle of cars looking for our own, had verbalized what i was thinking. i briefly scolded her, but the shame on her little face broke my heart because i knew that she had quite possibly heard the word from me, and that she didn't realize it was wrong.
that was just her first time. the second was when she couldn't pass a level on one of her nintendo ds games. we were waiting in line for an oil change and the girls were getting antsy. she had been grunting and mumbling under her breath, so i knew she was becoming aggravated with whatever it was she was doing in the backseat. all of a sudden, i hear "what the hell?" and almost immediately following came sobs of guilt. oh geez. what is it with that word? what is it with saying something wrong so that we can feel just a little better? even if we end up feeling even worse afterwards?
now, madelyn is different. she's always been about as straight-laced as they come. a couple of times, she's gotten tongue-tied and accidentally let one word slip, but meant another. and even that unintentional slip of the tongue has made her so embarrassed and ashamed that she nearly bursts into tears. but for the most part, she knows right from wrong and does her best to never stray from these truths. i see so much of myself in that child. the people pleasing, rule abiding, trouble avoiding 10 year old that i once was. don't get me wrong, she has her vices. she loves to get mad and scream at the top of her lungs when she doesn't get her way, or lose her temper and shove her sister when she gets on her nerves, just because it feel good to get out the frustration. for a brief moment, there's a sweet release in just being mean.
but i see something in both of my girls that makes me so proud. despite our penchant for huffing and puffing and the occasional ugly word, my children possess a genuine sense of empathy and compassion. they have a conscience. they have such a love of others and a true understanding of they should and should no do. they are good, good kids. the other day, we were in a shopping plaza and saw an old man sitting in the doorway of an unoccupied space. he may or may not have been homeless, but he did appear to be lonely, perhaps down on his luck, and both girls sensed this. ella grabbed my hand as we walked. "what if he doesn't have anything?" and then madelyn, upon returning to the car, dropped her head and prayed. she didn't have to tell me she was praying for the old man, though she did. i just knew.
i worry about raising my girls. every day, i'm scared to death of what this cruel world is going to do to them. how cold and jaded it may turn them. and raising them alone only exacerbates these fears. i thank god every waking hour that i have someone who shares my morals and core family values and helps me instill these in my children, but wow...parenting is not easy. all i can do is pray that i'm doing a good job. i'd even settle for decent job. but every once in a while, god gives me a little sign that maybe, just maybe, i am. every time my child prays without being told before a meal or sheds a tear for a man asking for change, i get a little confirmation. maybe i need to stop beating myself up and accept that i'm not doing as bad a job as i sometimes feel that i am...
...even when my 6 year old swears at her video games. :)
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
a real life happily ever after?
i like a good chick flick every now and then. what can i say? i'm a chick. it's funny, though--sad, actually--that for every romantic movie that i've watched, every loving glance shared between the movie's main characters that has made me sigh, every tear that i've shed, my emotions weren't so much for the lovers on screen, but more for the lack of those feelings in my own life. just the other day, as a quote from "the notebook" showed up on my facebook newsfeed, i got to thinking how watching love stories actually used to depress me more so than give me that warm, fuzzy feeling. but that was then...
coming to the realization that a relationship you're in is destined for failure is a hard pill to swallow. forcing something that isn't meant to be and lying to yourself is even harder. i've been there; i know.
i'm not a dating or marriage expert by no means, but i know what i know, and this is what i've learned. rocky starts are often doomed for rocky endings. if you can't imagine the thought of growing old with somebody, most likely they aren't 'the one'. happiness shouldn't be forced; lying to yourself and others that you really are happy is even worse. if you can count on your fingers the good times, but lost count of the bad times, cried more than you laughed, then it's time to move on.
it seems like i've always been lacking something. something has always been missing. sometimes a relationship may seem perfect, but the two people just drift apart or realize that friendship is better than a romantic relationship. sometimes a relationship may have one or two really good qualities, but are lacking in other aspects. and yet others are nothing more than two complete opposites trying desperately to create something out of nothing.
about 6 months ago, i met foster. he was a friend of a friend. cool guy. sweet as can be. good looking. fun. i didn't seek him out, nor did i want anything more than to hang out a few hours so as not to be alone, have a drink or two, and say my goodbyes, perhaps making an acquaintance that i could say 'hi' to if i saw out in public or if we were ever in the same company again. but apparently god had his own agenda because something strange happened. here i was, depressed and in the midst of a divorce, had been crying for weeks, stopped eating, had to take some time off from work...and during that first meeting with foster, i actually really enjoyed myself. i smiled for the first time in a while. in the weeks that followed, we shared hours upon hours of phone conversations about every subject under the sun. some of my favorite memories from the summer and fall were nights spent talking on my back patio. he gave me advice. we laughed harder than i had laughed in ages. we found out that, despite an 11 year age difference, we had so very much in common, from career and life goals to both being born in april. he actually makes me talk about issues that arise instead of sweeping problems under the rug; funny, because i have always been the one who wants to talk things out, but after years of communication issues, i've learned just to bottle things up. and he said something that really resonated with me, something that makes perfect sense, yet something that had been missing in my most recent relationships:
foster isn't perfect. neither am i. far from it, actually. but we fit together perfectly. amazingly, god created someone who is like me only of the opposite sex, put him on this earth 11 years and 2 days after i was born, and i found him. i've been told that i just exude happiness. i have a sparkle in my eye and a genuine smile again.
just like in the movies, life is full of a plethera of storylines; falling in and out of love; plot twists; good guys and bad, and supporting characters...and sometimes, when you least expect it, the start to what looks like could be a very happy ending.
coming to the realization that a relationship you're in is destined for failure is a hard pill to swallow. forcing something that isn't meant to be and lying to yourself is even harder. i've been there; i know.
i'm not a dating or marriage expert by no means, but i know what i know, and this is what i've learned. rocky starts are often doomed for rocky endings. if you can't imagine the thought of growing old with somebody, most likely they aren't 'the one'. happiness shouldn't be forced; lying to yourself and others that you really are happy is even worse. if you can count on your fingers the good times, but lost count of the bad times, cried more than you laughed, then it's time to move on.
it seems like i've always been lacking something. something has always been missing. sometimes a relationship may seem perfect, but the two people just drift apart or realize that friendship is better than a romantic relationship. sometimes a relationship may have one or two really good qualities, but are lacking in other aspects. and yet others are nothing more than two complete opposites trying desperately to create something out of nothing.
about 6 months ago, i met foster. he was a friend of a friend. cool guy. sweet as can be. good looking. fun. i didn't seek him out, nor did i want anything more than to hang out a few hours so as not to be alone, have a drink or two, and say my goodbyes, perhaps making an acquaintance that i could say 'hi' to if i saw out in public or if we were ever in the same company again. but apparently god had his own agenda because something strange happened. here i was, depressed and in the midst of a divorce, had been crying for weeks, stopped eating, had to take some time off from work...and during that first meeting with foster, i actually really enjoyed myself. i smiled for the first time in a while. in the weeks that followed, we shared hours upon hours of phone conversations about every subject under the sun. some of my favorite memories from the summer and fall were nights spent talking on my back patio. he gave me advice. we laughed harder than i had laughed in ages. we found out that, despite an 11 year age difference, we had so very much in common, from career and life goals to both being born in april. he actually makes me talk about issues that arise instead of sweeping problems under the rug; funny, because i have always been the one who wants to talk things out, but after years of communication issues, i've learned just to bottle things up. and he said something that really resonated with me, something that makes perfect sense, yet something that had been missing in my most recent relationships:
relationships require a foundation of friendship. you have to have something to build upon. just like a building has to have a firm foundation or else it will crumble, if a relationship isn't built on a firm foundation, it's just going to crumble.
foster isn't perfect. neither am i. far from it, actually. but we fit together perfectly. amazingly, god created someone who is like me only of the opposite sex, put him on this earth 11 years and 2 days after i was born, and i found him. i've been told that i just exude happiness. i have a sparkle in my eye and a genuine smile again.
just like in the movies, life is full of a plethera of storylines; falling in and out of love; plot twists; good guys and bad, and supporting characters...and sometimes, when you least expect it, the start to what looks like could be a very happy ending.
Monday, September 3, 2012
...and then there were three...
for the past few years that I've been writing, i've regaled anyone who cared to read them with stories of life as a married working mother of two feisty little girls. but three months ago, something changed; i was informed that i was going to be a single mother. my husband wanted a divorce.
these things happen every day. marriages fail, spouses bail. but of course, nobody ever counts on it happening to them. how? why? what went wrong? the list of questions and doubts and fears is endless. now, I've got a whole 3 months worth of sob stories to tell, but this isn't all about me. it isn't all about the sadness. it's about overcoming. and it's about them.
them. the girls. my babies. the greatest accomplishment that was created from mine and my soon-to-be ex husband's 9 year relationship. how would they react? would they understand? how would they feel to have 2 homes, be split between parents, not wake up every morning to both mommy and daddy living under the same roof? well, let me tell ya...kids are resilient. they're also very perceptive. and i've learned that they can be your rock when you need them to be...even if it's something as simple as curling up beside you in bed at night or telling you they love you.
so what's changed? the income, for starters. having to completely restructure your budget and spending habits to accommodate having one less salary in the household is a tough pill to swallow. marking 'divorced' on the girls' school forms and listing a separate address for their dad hit me pretty hard for some reason. and the fear of not being able to do it all alone is, well, frightening.
but as scary as all of this is, i've learned some valuable lessons. don't ever rely too heavily on anyone else for money or any other support, because they could walk out in the blink of an eye. know that you're not alone...there is always someone you work with or live beside or a friend-of-a-friend who has gone through the same thing and has a wealth of knowledge and advice to share. rely on friends and family; even if they can't offer first-hand wisdom on what you're going through, they can offer a shoulder to cry on or plan a "girls' night" to help you laugh and forget your troubles, if only for an evening. don't lose faith; god has brought you to this place in your life for a reason and he never makes mistakes. and above all, put those babies first. let them see that it's ok to be sad, but that in the end, you're going to be stronger because of the struggles, and so will they.
these things happen every day. marriages fail, spouses bail. but of course, nobody ever counts on it happening to them. how? why? what went wrong? the list of questions and doubts and fears is endless. now, I've got a whole 3 months worth of sob stories to tell, but this isn't all about me. it isn't all about the sadness. it's about overcoming. and it's about them.
them. the girls. my babies. the greatest accomplishment that was created from mine and my soon-to-be ex husband's 9 year relationship. how would they react? would they understand? how would they feel to have 2 homes, be split between parents, not wake up every morning to both mommy and daddy living under the same roof? well, let me tell ya...kids are resilient. they're also very perceptive. and i've learned that they can be your rock when you need them to be...even if it's something as simple as curling up beside you in bed at night or telling you they love you.
so what's changed? the income, for starters. having to completely restructure your budget and spending habits to accommodate having one less salary in the household is a tough pill to swallow. marking 'divorced' on the girls' school forms and listing a separate address for their dad hit me pretty hard for some reason. and the fear of not being able to do it all alone is, well, frightening.
but as scary as all of this is, i've learned some valuable lessons. don't ever rely too heavily on anyone else for money or any other support, because they could walk out in the blink of an eye. know that you're not alone...there is always someone you work with or live beside or a friend-of-a-friend who has gone through the same thing and has a wealth of knowledge and advice to share. rely on friends and family; even if they can't offer first-hand wisdom on what you're going through, they can offer a shoulder to cry on or plan a "girls' night" to help you laugh and forget your troubles, if only for an evening. don't lose faith; god has brought you to this place in your life for a reason and he never makes mistakes. and above all, put those babies first. let them see that it's ok to be sad, but that in the end, you're going to be stronger because of the struggles, and so will they.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
diary of a self-described couch potato
looking back at old photos, i can honestly say that i was always a pretty slim child. i never went through a 'chubby' phase (although i do recall wearing a 2-piece during my spring break of '93 trip to florida, and i swore i was THE fattest human being alive). in elementary school, i was long and lanky. in high school, i was tall and of average weight. and apparently, i always had a high metabolism because i ate like a horse and didn't exercise one bit.
well, guess what? obviously, with age comes weight. and a slower metabolism. and, at least in my experience, a lack in the desire to be active whatsoever.
for the past several years, summertime has become an increasingly dreadful season. not that i don't love the sunshine and gorgeous weather, but with summer comes the pressure to wear shorts and skirts and (gulp) a bathing suit. do you know how horrible it feels to decline invitations to pool parties and water parks simply because you don't want to bare your fat butt for all the world to see?
i'm sick of it. sick of having a so-so body. sick of muffin tops over jeans, love handles, and cellulite on my thighs. fed up with my arms flapping. and fat knees. did you know that a person can have fat knees? i've never been "built" or had a rock hard body, but when your 5 year old spanks your bottom and sticks her finger in your belly and says, "ooh, it jiggles!" you know you have to do something.
i've tried exercising before, but it seems that i always lose interest and motivation. i don't like workout videos because i don't like looking at the women leading the workouts. rather than being motivated to continue exercising in the hopes of one day looking like them, i'm instead ticked off at them for being so freaking thin in the first place. and i owned an exercise bike at one time, but ended up selling it on craigslist because, although i did use it some, it was just so dang boring.
so then i decided i'd give running a shot. it's something i can do alone without having to watch some skinny chick show me how. and since it's not an activity in which you stay in one spot (say, in the middle of your living room where you can easily just call it quits after 5 minutes and lie on your couch instead), you can't just give up in the middle of it. after all, if i run a mile from my house, i'm forced to run that same mile to get back, right? i have several friends who are runners. and they love it. i've heard that running becomes addictive. so here i go.
my first step was to downloaded the c25k app to my phone. i barely walk, much less run, so i knew that i would need to start off slow. and this program is really awesome for beginners, so i hear. after my first run, during which i spent the majority of the time pushing my bra straps back on my shoulders from where they continuously slipped down my arms for 30 minutes straight, i discovered the need to invest in some sports bras. ah, the sports bra. now i really felt like an athlete. i also discovered just how out of shape i really was. i almost passed out in a neighbor's yard. and the air was so cold that i was convinced that my lungs were bleeding, if that's possible. but wow, did i feel amazing afterwards! and i was in such a great mood! must have been those endorphin things that i've heard about.
unfortunately, i'm one of those people who want to see quick results. so, being in my 2nd week of my exercise routine, i'm expecting to see a slimmer physique when i look in the mirror before getting in the shower. and i'm thinking my jeans should be a tad bit looser. and the running should be a little easier. um, that's a negative. in fact, i may even be flabbier. and the running is getting harder. and my scales are still sitting at the highest number they've ever registered, unless you count my pregnancy weight.
so...what now? give up? decide that trying to do something good for my body isn't worth the trouble? tell myself that if i don't see any results after 2 weeks then i never will? nope. believe it or not, i'm actually going to stick with this. because when i close my eyes, i can see myself sporting a rockin' bikini bod this summer...and that's well worth the feeling of bleeding lungs, lack of sleep, aching shins, and calloused feet. oh yeah. bring it.
well, guess what? obviously, with age comes weight. and a slower metabolism. and, at least in my experience, a lack in the desire to be active whatsoever.
for the past several years, summertime has become an increasingly dreadful season. not that i don't love the sunshine and gorgeous weather, but with summer comes the pressure to wear shorts and skirts and (gulp) a bathing suit. do you know how horrible it feels to decline invitations to pool parties and water parks simply because you don't want to bare your fat butt for all the world to see?
i'm sick of it. sick of having a so-so body. sick of muffin tops over jeans, love handles, and cellulite on my thighs. fed up with my arms flapping. and fat knees. did you know that a person can have fat knees? i've never been "built" or had a rock hard body, but when your 5 year old spanks your bottom and sticks her finger in your belly and says, "ooh, it jiggles!" you know you have to do something.
i've tried exercising before, but it seems that i always lose interest and motivation. i don't like workout videos because i don't like looking at the women leading the workouts. rather than being motivated to continue exercising in the hopes of one day looking like them, i'm instead ticked off at them for being so freaking thin in the first place. and i owned an exercise bike at one time, but ended up selling it on craigslist because, although i did use it some, it was just so dang boring.
so then i decided i'd give running a shot. it's something i can do alone without having to watch some skinny chick show me how. and since it's not an activity in which you stay in one spot (say, in the middle of your living room where you can easily just call it quits after 5 minutes and lie on your couch instead), you can't just give up in the middle of it. after all, if i run a mile from my house, i'm forced to run that same mile to get back, right? i have several friends who are runners. and they love it. i've heard that running becomes addictive. so here i go.
my first step was to downloaded the c25k app to my phone. i barely walk, much less run, so i knew that i would need to start off slow. and this program is really awesome for beginners, so i hear. after my first run, during which i spent the majority of the time pushing my bra straps back on my shoulders from where they continuously slipped down my arms for 30 minutes straight, i discovered the need to invest in some sports bras. ah, the sports bra. now i really felt like an athlete. i also discovered just how out of shape i really was. i almost passed out in a neighbor's yard. and the air was so cold that i was convinced that my lungs were bleeding, if that's possible. but wow, did i feel amazing afterwards! and i was in such a great mood! must have been those endorphin things that i've heard about.
unfortunately, i'm one of those people who want to see quick results. so, being in my 2nd week of my exercise routine, i'm expecting to see a slimmer physique when i look in the mirror before getting in the shower. and i'm thinking my jeans should be a tad bit looser. and the running should be a little easier. um, that's a negative. in fact, i may even be flabbier. and the running is getting harder. and my scales are still sitting at the highest number they've ever registered, unless you count my pregnancy weight.
so...what now? give up? decide that trying to do something good for my body isn't worth the trouble? tell myself that if i don't see any results after 2 weeks then i never will? nope. believe it or not, i'm actually going to stick with this. because when i close my eyes, i can see myself sporting a rockin' bikini bod this summer...and that's well worth the feeling of bleeding lungs, lack of sleep, aching shins, and calloused feet. oh yeah. bring it.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
the cup of death
this past monday was a typical monday. almost rear-ended 3 separate vehicles: check. forgot to pay ella's daycare payment: check. sat in coffee: check. ruined iphone in said coffee: unfortunately, check.
you've seen movies where a character is screaming and then it flashes to a screen shot of a mountain top or forest or some distant place, indicating that the person's scream can be heard that far away? well, that's how i felt. and in slow motion. when i returned to my car after dropping ella off at daycare that morning and my brain registered that the foreign object bobbing in my coffee cup was in fact my phone, i could just picture birds in a far off wooded area flying out of the trees from my shrieks as if a rifle had been shot. sure enough, my phone had slid from the console where i had set it into the cup of death below.
now, i'm not super trendy when it comes to gadgets and technology. i don't have an ipad. i don't twitter. and for the longest time, i refused to get an iphone. but in the year that i've had it, i've become addicted. i facebook from it. i pay my bills on it. it contains all my appointments. i can't travel without its map app. i listen to music on it at work and in my car. it holds the phone number of everybody i know. and if i decide to ever start exercising, i've already downloaded the "couch to 5k" app.
so after a trip to at&t on my lunch break and hearing the devastating but predicted verdict ("i'm sorry...there's nothing we can do until you're eligible for an upgrade on february 1st..."), i decided that maybe God was teaching me a lesson. maybe he was telling me to lay off the coffee. or perhaps to be more responsible with my belongings (much as i try to drill into my own children's heads). or maybe, just maybe, he was saying, "hey...stop being a slave to your phone. it doesn't own you!"
so what great revelations have i made during my week sans iphone? well, i've learned how annoying it is to try to have a conversation with somebody who has an electronic device glued to her hands (madelyn and ella, i'm talking to you...) and now understand why my parents gripe about me having my phone at the table during meals. i've learned that i CAN live without facebook. i've realized that i should memorize more of my friends' phone numbers. i've learned that i really need a hobby. i've discovered that there is always going to be a photo opp when you don't have a camera handy. i've determined that at&t doesn't care if you've been a loyal customer for 8 years, that doesn't mean you'll get any sympathy or special treatment if your phone is subjected to water damage. and i've learned that i really, really need to invest in some travel mugs. really.
you've seen movies where a character is screaming and then it flashes to a screen shot of a mountain top or forest or some distant place, indicating that the person's scream can be heard that far away? well, that's how i felt. and in slow motion. when i returned to my car after dropping ella off at daycare that morning and my brain registered that the foreign object bobbing in my coffee cup was in fact my phone, i could just picture birds in a far off wooded area flying out of the trees from my shrieks as if a rifle had been shot. sure enough, my phone had slid from the console where i had set it into the cup of death below.
now, i'm not super trendy when it comes to gadgets and technology. i don't have an ipad. i don't twitter. and for the longest time, i refused to get an iphone. but in the year that i've had it, i've become addicted. i facebook from it. i pay my bills on it. it contains all my appointments. i can't travel without its map app. i listen to music on it at work and in my car. it holds the phone number of everybody i know. and if i decide to ever start exercising, i've already downloaded the "couch to 5k" app.
so after a trip to at&t on my lunch break and hearing the devastating but predicted verdict ("i'm sorry...there's nothing we can do until you're eligible for an upgrade on february 1st..."), i decided that maybe God was teaching me a lesson. maybe he was telling me to lay off the coffee. or perhaps to be more responsible with my belongings (much as i try to drill into my own children's heads). or maybe, just maybe, he was saying, "hey...stop being a slave to your phone. it doesn't own you!"
so what great revelations have i made during my week sans iphone? well, i've learned how annoying it is to try to have a conversation with somebody who has an electronic device glued to her hands (madelyn and ella, i'm talking to you...) and now understand why my parents gripe about me having my phone at the table during meals. i've learned that i CAN live without facebook. i've realized that i should memorize more of my friends' phone numbers. i've learned that i really need a hobby. i've discovered that there is always going to be a photo opp when you don't have a camera handy. i've determined that at&t doesn't care if you've been a loyal customer for 8 years, that doesn't mean you'll get any sympathy or special treatment if your phone is subjected to water damage. and i've learned that i really, really need to invest in some travel mugs. really.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
college vs adulthood...the similarities are uncanny
i've undoubtedly grown up a lot since college. time, children, and adulthood in general will do that to a person. and lately, with every new crows foot I spy in the mirror and every creak of my bones when I get out bed, I definitely feel like i'm getting older. but sometimes when i hear a song or run across a photograph, i'm transported in time to a carefree place in my youth. a time so different from today. yet, as strange as it may seem, i've come to realize there are some things that haven't changed that much from my college years.
* i still remain broke most of the time.
* i sometimes eat cold pizza straight from the box for breakfast, only now it's by choice and not because it's the only thing in the fridge.
* ramen noodles still occupy my pantry.
* i continue to procrastinate like a champ, only now it's with house chores and returning signed permission slips instead of completing projects and papers.
* gorgeous weather will always give me the urge to sit on the patio and have margaritas with friends.
* i've been known to still leave home in jammie pants. guilty as charged.
* i'm still in love with eddie vedder and jim morrison, though their posters are no longer plastered on my bedroom wall.
* coffee was and always will be my best friend.
* i still have to deal with puke. but it's a whole lot easier to handle when it belongs to your child instead of a drunk friend.
* i still have 3 loud, crazy, lovable roommates. one of them I married and the other 2 I gave birth to.
well, what can i say. i guess some things will just never change!
* i still remain broke most of the time.
* i sometimes eat cold pizza straight from the box for breakfast, only now it's by choice and not because it's the only thing in the fridge.
* ramen noodles still occupy my pantry.
* i continue to procrastinate like a champ, only now it's with house chores and returning signed permission slips instead of completing projects and papers.
* gorgeous weather will always give me the urge to sit on the patio and have margaritas with friends.
* i've been known to still leave home in jammie pants. guilty as charged.
* i'm still in love with eddie vedder and jim morrison, though their posters are no longer plastered on my bedroom wall.
* coffee was and always will be my best friend.
* i still have to deal with puke. but it's a whole lot easier to handle when it belongs to your child instead of a drunk friend.
* i still have 3 loud, crazy, lovable roommates. one of them I married and the other 2 I gave birth to.
well, what can i say. i guess some things will just never change!
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