we live about 2 miles from dunbar cave park, so monday after work, i took the girls and delilah down to where the road has been blocked off to see the effects of the flood. we took pictures, and the girls were amazed by the fact that the same grassy hill that they had rolled down just a few weeks before was now almost entirely covered in water. when we got back in the car, madelyn said, "this was fun, wasn't it, mom?" in her mind, we weren't viewing the aftermath of a horrible natural disaster. we were simply spending time together, walking along the waterside and watching ducks swim across a lake in the middle of the road.
i can think of a few times that the girls have declared that "this is the best day ever". like the time i wanted to get out of the house, so we went driving around and ended up at baskin robbins. or the time i bought paint and canvases and let them create masterpieces to hang in their rooms. or madelyn going to watch the new 'alice in wonderland' movie in 3D with her daddy. and ella still talks about the time she went with gran and papaw to cumberland falls (although that has been about a year ago, and the fact that her 3 year old brain can remember something that happened when she was 2 amazes me). of course, they also remember some not-so-happy moments. like the time madelyn ate so many jelly beans she threw up (that was almost 4 years ago and she still refuses to touch a jelly bean). or, more recently, having to watch their beloved pet die.
of course, some of my fondest memories growing up are family vacations to the beach and to the mountains. but there are tons of other memories that stand out in my mind. memories that are just...ordinary. like riding with daddy in the truck and listening to a mixed tape that he had made. to this day, i cannot hear 'mississippi squirrel revival' or 'seven spanish angels' without thinking of daddy and a semi-truck. or the time mom said we were going to get buttercups, and i got excited thinking she meant we were going to the store to buy reese's peanut butter cups. how disappointed i was when instead we went walking out in the field to pick flowers and i didn't get a single piece of the chocolate-covered peanut butter yumminess that i had eagerly anticipated.
i think my first memories date back to when i was 3 or 4. i'm certain that i can't remember anything that happened prior to that. which means that events that take place in ella's life right now, she should be able to recall when she's my age. it makes me wonder, with every word that comes out of my mouth and with every place that i take my girls and with everything that we do together...what is going to stand out in their minds when they get older?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
just add water
i was never taught how to cook. i'm not blaming my mom, or nannie, or any other female figure in my life when i was growing up. i mean, do moms still do that? take their daughters into the kitchen and teach them how to whip up meringue? maybe they do. mom once said that she may be partially to blame because when my sisters and i were younger, she would tell us to justgo play or watch tv until she was finished with dinner instead of inviting us in there to show us how it was done (which makes me think...perhaps my impatience was inherited from my mother?) and nannie, god rest her soul, was a student of the "pinch of this, dash of that" school, from which i completely flunked out. i tried that with smoked salmon dip once because i couldn't remember how much of what went into the recipe. the outcome was not good. it's not that i'm complaining; i'm just making an observation. but as a result, i'm not a good cook to this day. luckily, my husband is.
i have had several instances of recipes gone bad. like the corn pudding that i tried to make 2 thanksgivings ago. it wasn't that i didn't prepare it correctly, it's just that my oven is too hot. so my burnt-to-a-crisp creation ended up in the trash, i ended up crying my eyes out, and the family ended up at kroger buying pie to take to the kennedy family function. and twice, i screwed up hamburger helper. the first time is because i mixed everything together instead of preparing the cheese sauce separately. the second time, i used soy milk instead of regular milk, which would've been fine had i remembered that i bought the vanilla flavored instead of plain. and just last night, i added too much milk to some "just add milk" muffin mix.
i doubt my girls want to learn how to make soupy muffins and vanilla hamburger helper. yet, for some reason, my girls still think that i'm the greatest. madelyn thinks my "homemade" pancakes (read: pancakes made from mix in which you just add water) are the best she's ever had. and the phrase "you're the best cook ever" has actually come out of ella's mouth after eating ramen noodles to which i "just added water". but what else do i have to teach them? well, i take them to church and teach them about god. they know how to pray (even though ella still says "a minute" instead of "amen"). they are in the process of learning how to pick up after themselves. they know to say "please" and "thank you". i tell them stories about when i was little, and about their great-grandparents so they know where they came from. they can responsibly drive a barbie jeep, which i think will serve them well when they get older and learn to drive a real vehicle. they also know that you can't wear white before easter or after labor day. and how to eat with chopsticks. they appreciate good music. madelyn knows that jim morrison was the lead singer for the doors, and led zeppelin's "going to california" used to be one of the only songs that would make ella stop crying in the car when she was a baby. so maybe i'm not a chef and can't keep a spider plant alive. but for everything that i have taught and will teach my girls, they think i'm the greatest. and really, that's all that matters to me.... hopefully one of their grandmothers can teach them all the domestic stuff.
i have had several instances of recipes gone bad. like the corn pudding that i tried to make 2 thanksgivings ago. it wasn't that i didn't prepare it correctly, it's just that my oven is too hot. so my burnt-to-a-crisp creation ended up in the trash, i ended up crying my eyes out, and the family ended up at kroger buying pie to take to the kennedy family function. and twice, i screwed up hamburger helper. the first time is because i mixed everything together instead of preparing the cheese sauce separately. the second time, i used soy milk instead of regular milk, which would've been fine had i remembered that i bought the vanilla flavored instead of plain. and just last night, i added too much milk to some "just add milk" muffin mix.
i doubt my girls want to learn how to make soupy muffins and vanilla hamburger helper. yet, for some reason, my girls still think that i'm the greatest. madelyn thinks my "homemade" pancakes (read: pancakes made from mix in which you just add water) are the best she's ever had. and the phrase "you're the best cook ever" has actually come out of ella's mouth after eating ramen noodles to which i "just added water". but what else do i have to teach them? well, i take them to church and teach them about god. they know how to pray (even though ella still says "a minute" instead of "amen"). they are in the process of learning how to pick up after themselves. they know to say "please" and "thank you". i tell them stories about when i was little, and about their great-grandparents so they know where they came from. they can responsibly drive a barbie jeep, which i think will serve them well when they get older and learn to drive a real vehicle. they also know that you can't wear white before easter or after labor day. and how to eat with chopsticks. they appreciate good music. madelyn knows that jim morrison was the lead singer for the doors, and led zeppelin's "going to california" used to be one of the only songs that would make ella stop crying in the car when she was a baby. so maybe i'm not a chef and can't keep a spider plant alive. but for everything that i have taught and will teach my girls, they think i'm the greatest. and really, that's all that matters to me.... hopefully one of their grandmothers can teach them all the domestic stuff.
just a little patience...
when did i lose my patience? i swear that i used to have tons of it. i think that the loss occurred somewhere around 2005, coincidentally around the time madelyn turned 2. yep, i'm pretty certain that my patience flew out the window during those temper-throwing, potty-training, incessant-talking, terrible twos. add ella to the mix, and now my fuse is so short that it's safe to say that it is nonexistent. as we speak, she is singing a made-up song about yogurt (and how she wants some--NOW) at the top of her lungs. she's been singing it for 10 minutes. i'm about to go berserk.
the day started off rough. maybe it's the dreary weather. or the fact that i slept later than normal, which tends to throw me off kilter. or the fact that i don't have an i.v. of caffeine hooked up to me during the night, so it takes me a good 20 minutes and 2 cups of coffee in the morning before i can function or handle anything or anybody. and before i could even blindly stumble to the kitchen to brew a pot of that glorious beverage that brings me to life, madelyn starts telling a story. this would've been fine, except sometimes when madelyn tells a story, she gets off track and starts stuttering and stammering around and forgets what she's talking about, and says things like "...and like...and then...um, so...like...(giggles)...what was i saying? oh yeah..ok...so..." this was one of those times. so after 15 minutes, she was finally able to deliver this epic tale of how she was at aunt jen's one time and drank sprite from a coffee cup. and i had to smile, because in a way it made me laugh. but i also had to say, "really, madelyn? all of that time to tell me about sprite?" and she just laughed.
i love my girls with all my heart and couldn't imagine life without them. still, i have to wonder...is it just me? is it in my nature to be impatient and get frustrated over tiny details? is it because i'm stressed out? or do children just make us this way?
the day started off rough. maybe it's the dreary weather. or the fact that i slept later than normal, which tends to throw me off kilter. or the fact that i don't have an i.v. of caffeine hooked up to me during the night, so it takes me a good 20 minutes and 2 cups of coffee in the morning before i can function or handle anything or anybody. and before i could even blindly stumble to the kitchen to brew a pot of that glorious beverage that brings me to life, madelyn starts telling a story. this would've been fine, except sometimes when madelyn tells a story, she gets off track and starts stuttering and stammering around and forgets what she's talking about, and says things like "...and like...and then...um, so...like...(giggles)...what was i saying? oh yeah..ok...so..." this was one of those times. so after 15 minutes, she was finally able to deliver this epic tale of how she was at aunt jen's one time and drank sprite from a coffee cup. and i had to smile, because in a way it made me laugh. but i also had to say, "really, madelyn? all of that time to tell me about sprite?" and she just laughed.
i love my girls with all my heart and couldn't imagine life without them. still, i have to wonder...is it just me? is it in my nature to be impatient and get frustrated over tiny details? is it because i'm stressed out? or do children just make us this way?
Thursday, April 29, 2010
divas
as soon as i sat down at the computer earlier tonight, ella walked out of the bathroom at the top of the steps and stood looking down through the banister rails on the landing...not wearing a stitch of clothing. i'm convinced that she's her happiest either when she's completely naked, or when she has so many random articles of clothing on that she can barely move. just this afternoon, with the sun shining and a warm breeze blowing, she walked out of my mom's house wearing long sleeves, pants, and a raincoat. this is the same child who, at about a year old, used to take her diaper off in the middle of the night and sleep commando. the same child who, when was told to get dressed for bed, came downstairs in a bikini swimsuit. and the same child who, on occassion, will dress herself at night and wake up the next day fully clothed and ready to go. one morning i pulled the covers back and there she was, wearing a shirt and skirt and tights.
and then there's madelyn. madelyn has always been very fashion conscious. now, she has been known to throw together some very off-the-wall outfits, but for the most part, she knows how to match and accessorize. i distinctly remember dragging her, kicking and screaming, through st. bethlehem elementary's parking lot to her kindergarten christmas musical because she wasn't wearing the right shoes. i had just bought her a new pair of suede black flats that were slightly too large, so she had to wear her black leather mary janes instead. this did not please her whatsoever. spectators must've thought that i had chopped the child's feet off and THAT was the reason she was crying so much. no, it was just that she didn't like wearing "last season's" shoes. we ended up missing the musical altogether.
it frustrates me to no end, dealing with my mini-divas over things that are of such little importance. like shoes, for instance. or, in ella's case, getting her to put on underwear instead of streaking through the house. but if i think about it, i was the exact same way when i was little. picture it: elkton, 1988. it was january, i was in the 3rd grade, and i had just returned from christmas vacation. i had just gotten back from florida the night before, where i had spent christmas and new year's with my family. we had gone there with the basketball team; my sister, jennnifer, was a cheerleader. because we had been out of town, mom hadn't done any laundry, and i didn't have anything to wear to school. i remember i owned this outfit that was totally cool: a long, hot pink and black striped turtleneck sweater with hot pink sweater leggings. for some reason, the top was dirty, and mom made me wear the pants with a white sweater. a short, white sweater. even at 8, i knew this outfit was hideous. i didn't want to wear it. i was mortified. the world truly ended on that day.
it's funny how, when we get older, we tend to forget about all of those things that were such a big deal when we were younger. children are innocent. they haven't yet had to face meeting deadlines at work, or paying the mortgage, or any of the other things that are such big deals to us as adults. to them, having to wear a short white sweater with pink sweater leggings compares to being overdrawn in the checking account. likewise, being the line leader is just as important as getting that huge promotion. i really need to remember that the next time the girls are being overly dramatic and completely irrational. after all, they come by it honest--they learned from the best!
and then there's madelyn. madelyn has always been very fashion conscious. now, she has been known to throw together some very off-the-wall outfits, but for the most part, she knows how to match and accessorize. i distinctly remember dragging her, kicking and screaming, through st. bethlehem elementary's parking lot to her kindergarten christmas musical because she wasn't wearing the right shoes. i had just bought her a new pair of suede black flats that were slightly too large, so she had to wear her black leather mary janes instead. this did not please her whatsoever. spectators must've thought that i had chopped the child's feet off and THAT was the reason she was crying so much. no, it was just that she didn't like wearing "last season's" shoes. we ended up missing the musical altogether.
it frustrates me to no end, dealing with my mini-divas over things that are of such little importance. like shoes, for instance. or, in ella's case, getting her to put on underwear instead of streaking through the house. but if i think about it, i was the exact same way when i was little. picture it: elkton, 1988. it was january, i was in the 3rd grade, and i had just returned from christmas vacation. i had just gotten back from florida the night before, where i had spent christmas and new year's with my family. we had gone there with the basketball team; my sister, jennnifer, was a cheerleader. because we had been out of town, mom hadn't done any laundry, and i didn't have anything to wear to school. i remember i owned this outfit that was totally cool: a long, hot pink and black striped turtleneck sweater with hot pink sweater leggings. for some reason, the top was dirty, and mom made me wear the pants with a white sweater. a short, white sweater. even at 8, i knew this outfit was hideous. i didn't want to wear it. i was mortified. the world truly ended on that day.
it's funny how, when we get older, we tend to forget about all of those things that were such a big deal when we were younger. children are innocent. they haven't yet had to face meeting deadlines at work, or paying the mortgage, or any of the other things that are such big deals to us as adults. to them, having to wear a short white sweater with pink sweater leggings compares to being overdrawn in the checking account. likewise, being the line leader is just as important as getting that huge promotion. i really need to remember that the next time the girls are being overly dramatic and completely irrational. after all, they come by it honest--they learned from the best!
Monday, April 26, 2010
"did you know that butterflies eat nectar?"
i went to eat with madelyn tonight. brian and ella are out of town so i decided to take her to the chinese buffet. and of course, she had to eat with chopsticks because it's the proper thing to do in a chinese restaurant. i'm actually quite impressed with how well she can eat with them. but what impresses me even more is how grown-up she has become.
it's not like we talked about politics or anything, although we probably could; she knows who the first president was and who the current president is, which is about the extent of my political knowledge. but she just started spouting off facts to me, and the way she delivered the information wasn't like "hey, guess what i learned today", but rather she just started talking nonchalantly as if talking about the weather.
"so, ya know that bees make honey? and butterflies, when they lay eggs, it has this sticky stuff on it. yep. so we got to go on our field trip today and it was fun. we didn't have any homework. and i told mrs. price about our new dog. what does that stuff taste like? what is it, shrimp? does it taste like fish? that stuff is all seafood, isn't it? it's called that because it comes from the sea. ok, i'm ready for ice cream, but you don't have to go with me. i can do it. and if i have problems, i'll just come back to the table and get you, k?"
after staring at her for a minute and taking it all in, i finally said "madelyn, how did you get so smart?" and then she just looked at me, as if i had just asked the most ridiculous question she had ever heard. "um, i go to school, you know."
looking across the table, at that very moment, i realized that my daughter is growing up. we don't have one-on-one time very much, where we just "hang out." it was nice. but as nice as it was, and as thrilled as i am at how smart and beautiful and funny this tiny little 2 pound miracle baby has turned out to be, it absolutely scares me to death. my babies are growing up, and there's nothing i can do about it.
it's not like we talked about politics or anything, although we probably could; she knows who the first president was and who the current president is, which is about the extent of my political knowledge. but she just started spouting off facts to me, and the way she delivered the information wasn't like "hey, guess what i learned today", but rather she just started talking nonchalantly as if talking about the weather.
"so, ya know that bees make honey? and butterflies, when they lay eggs, it has this sticky stuff on it. yep. so we got to go on our field trip today and it was fun. we didn't have any homework. and i told mrs. price about our new dog. what does that stuff taste like? what is it, shrimp? does it taste like fish? that stuff is all seafood, isn't it? it's called that because it comes from the sea. ok, i'm ready for ice cream, but you don't have to go with me. i can do it. and if i have problems, i'll just come back to the table and get you, k?"
after staring at her for a minute and taking it all in, i finally said "madelyn, how did you get so smart?" and then she just looked at me, as if i had just asked the most ridiculous question she had ever heard. "um, i go to school, you know."
looking across the table, at that very moment, i realized that my daughter is growing up. we don't have one-on-one time very much, where we just "hang out." it was nice. but as nice as it was, and as thrilled as i am at how smart and beautiful and funny this tiny little 2 pound miracle baby has turned out to be, it absolutely scares me to death. my babies are growing up, and there's nothing i can do about it.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
hey there delilah
i'm not going to say that my husband isn't a romantic. or that he's never done anything sweet or spontaneous. but over the past week, he's probably been more thoughtful, patient, and compassionate than he has been in the 8 years that i've known him.
i've already said that i'm extremely emotional. i cry at situations that are obviously sad, such as funerals. i've teared up during church services numerous times, moved by a message or a song. but i also cry at things like movies that aren't even meant to be sad, or at the occasional publix commercial (yeah, don't ask). so my husband, brian, has grown accustomed to me bursting into tears without notice. and he usually laughs or rolls his eyes. but when our dog died, he knew how deeply i hurt, and he didn't laugh or roll his eyes at how unbelievably miserable i was. he was patient and understanding, which meant more to me than anything he has done in a long time.
at first, he was going to surprise me. but for whatever reason, he decided to talk to me first. actually, before talking to me, he talked to my mom. he told her that he was worried about me because i really seemed to be taking pitino's death hard, and that he just wanted to see me happy. he couldn't stand seeing his wife this way.
and now, as of around 5:30 p.m. this afternoon, i am the happy owner of delilah, an 11-week old pug. the girls already adore her, although we debated for hours on a name, and ella is a bit confused as to whether or not she is actually pitino raised from the dead or just a look-alike. madelyn is just excited that we got a girl that we can dress up in bows and tu-tu's. and me? i'm excited to have a dog in the house again--4 days was long enough to know that i am apparently one of those "dog people" who needs to have a 4-legged family member in order to be truly satisfied. she's not pitino, nor do i want her to be, nor will i try to mold her into being. but she's a sweetie, has her own playful personality which is already evident, licks my face, and is snoring in my lap as we speak. just as you cannot (or at least should not) compare kids, the same goes for pets. so delilah, welcome to your first night as a "roberts". we hope you love it here.
i've already said that i'm extremely emotional. i cry at situations that are obviously sad, such as funerals. i've teared up during church services numerous times, moved by a message or a song. but i also cry at things like movies that aren't even meant to be sad, or at the occasional publix commercial (yeah, don't ask). so my husband, brian, has grown accustomed to me bursting into tears without notice. and he usually laughs or rolls his eyes. but when our dog died, he knew how deeply i hurt, and he didn't laugh or roll his eyes at how unbelievably miserable i was. he was patient and understanding, which meant more to me than anything he has done in a long time.
at first, he was going to surprise me. but for whatever reason, he decided to talk to me first. actually, before talking to me, he talked to my mom. he told her that he was worried about me because i really seemed to be taking pitino's death hard, and that he just wanted to see me happy. he couldn't stand seeing his wife this way.
and now, as of around 5:30 p.m. this afternoon, i am the happy owner of delilah, an 11-week old pug. the girls already adore her, although we debated for hours on a name, and ella is a bit confused as to whether or not she is actually pitino raised from the dead or just a look-alike. madelyn is just excited that we got a girl that we can dress up in bows and tu-tu's. and me? i'm excited to have a dog in the house again--4 days was long enough to know that i am apparently one of those "dog people" who needs to have a 4-legged family member in order to be truly satisfied. she's not pitino, nor do i want her to be, nor will i try to mold her into being. but she's a sweetie, has her own playful personality which is already evident, licks my face, and is snoring in my lap as we speak. just as you cannot (or at least should not) compare kids, the same goes for pets. so delilah, welcome to your first night as a "roberts". we hope you love it here.
goodbye, ol' buddy
oh wow. i forgot that i had started blogging until i saw on a friend-of-a-friend's facebook page that they had listed their blog page as a website on their page. did i mention that i have no short term memory? it's true. my longterm memory is phenomenal; i can tell you who came to my 8th birthday party, what i wore, and what movies we watched, but i couldn't tell you what i ate for lunch yesterday. but anyway....what was i saying? oh, yes...i had forgotten that i started blogging. so i thought i'd start writing again, and try to make it a regular thing.
most notably, we just lost pitino this past week. he was killed wednesday, and my whole world came to a screeching halt. isn't it amazing how pets can become family? for those who do not have, or have never had a family pet, you probably can't understand that. it's like, "aw, really? i'm sorry." i mean, this wasn't a goldfish that i won at the carnival. it was a dog that i had to feed and bathe, who curled up under my feet whenever i stood at the sink to wash dishes or brush my teeth. my baby, who slept on my feet every night. not that you can't get attached to, er, a goldfish. but i think you get the point. and honestly, when we first bought him, i had no idea how much of my "child" he would actually become. i seriously had to take 1/2 day of leave from work wednesday morning because i was an emotional trainwreck. i would've taken the entire day, but being at my parents' house wasn't making things any easier. i just stared like a zombie at his freshly dug grave with the dogwood blossoms scattered across the top and cried like a baby. and all of my coworkers, my friends, were so very kind and supportive.
so i've been sleeping every night with a stuffed animal pug of madelyn's. yes, it's pathetic, but i don't care. it has helped fill the void of not having a dog at the foot of my bed. and my husband, distraught that his wife has been a weepy mess for the past 4 days, has been researching "pugs for sale" in the clarksville area and we actually go meet with a lady in cadiz today. i don't know if we'll get one, but we are going to look, nonetheless. i'm nervous for some reason...is it too soon? will pitino understand that we aren't replacing him, but rather we are just so saddened by our loss that we want to carry on his memory with a pet that is so much like him? so that we can be reminded of him? ok, so maybe i'm a complete wacko...but you "pet people" understand...right??
most notably, we just lost pitino this past week. he was killed wednesday, and my whole world came to a screeching halt. isn't it amazing how pets can become family? for those who do not have, or have never had a family pet, you probably can't understand that. it's like, "aw, really? i'm sorry." i mean, this wasn't a goldfish that i won at the carnival. it was a dog that i had to feed and bathe, who curled up under my feet whenever i stood at the sink to wash dishes or brush my teeth. my baby, who slept on my feet every night. not that you can't get attached to, er, a goldfish. but i think you get the point. and honestly, when we first bought him, i had no idea how much of my "child" he would actually become. i seriously had to take 1/2 day of leave from work wednesday morning because i was an emotional trainwreck. i would've taken the entire day, but being at my parents' house wasn't making things any easier. i just stared like a zombie at his freshly dug grave with the dogwood blossoms scattered across the top and cried like a baby. and all of my coworkers, my friends, were so very kind and supportive.
so i've been sleeping every night with a stuffed animal pug of madelyn's. yes, it's pathetic, but i don't care. it has helped fill the void of not having a dog at the foot of my bed. and my husband, distraught that his wife has been a weepy mess for the past 4 days, has been researching "pugs for sale" in the clarksville area and we actually go meet with a lady in cadiz today. i don't know if we'll get one, but we are going to look, nonetheless. i'm nervous for some reason...is it too soon? will pitino understand that we aren't replacing him, but rather we are just so saddened by our loss that we want to carry on his memory with a pet that is so much like him? so that we can be reminded of him? ok, so maybe i'm a complete wacko...but you "pet people" understand...right??
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