looking back at old photos, i can honestly say that i was always a pretty slim child. i never went through a 'chubby' phase (although i do recall wearing a 2-piece during my spring break of '93 trip to florida, and i swore i was THE fattest human being alive). in elementary school, i was long and lanky. in high school, i was tall and of average weight. and apparently, i always had a high metabolism because i ate like a horse and didn't exercise one bit.
well, guess what? obviously, with age comes weight. and a slower metabolism. and, at least in my experience, a lack in the desire to be active whatsoever.
for the past several years, summertime has become an increasingly dreadful season. not that i don't love the sunshine and gorgeous weather, but with summer comes the pressure to wear shorts and skirts and (gulp) a bathing suit. do you know how horrible it feels to decline invitations to pool parties and water parks simply because you don't want to bare your fat butt for all the world to see?
i'm sick of it. sick of having a so-so body. sick of muffin tops over jeans, love handles, and cellulite on my thighs. fed up with my arms flapping. and fat knees. did you know that a person can have fat knees? i've never been "built" or had a rock hard body, but when your 5 year old spanks your bottom and sticks her finger in your belly and says, "ooh, it jiggles!" you know you have to do something.
i've tried exercising before, but it seems that i always lose interest and motivation. i don't like workout videos because i don't like looking at the women leading the workouts. rather than being motivated to continue exercising in the hopes of one day looking like them, i'm instead ticked off at them for being so freaking thin in the first place. and i owned an exercise bike at one time, but ended up selling it on craigslist because, although i did use it some, it was just so dang boring.
so then i decided i'd give running a shot. it's something i can do alone without having to watch some skinny chick show me how. and since it's not an activity in which you stay in one spot (say, in the middle of your living room where you can easily just call it quits after 5 minutes and lie on your couch instead), you can't just give up in the middle of it. after all, if i run a mile from my house, i'm forced to run that same mile to get back, right? i have several friends who are runners. and they love it. i've heard that running becomes addictive. so here i go.
my first step was to downloaded the c25k app to my phone. i barely walk, much less run, so i knew that i would need to start off slow. and this program is really awesome for beginners, so i hear. after my first run, during which i spent the majority of the time pushing my bra straps back on my shoulders from where they continuously slipped down my arms for 30 minutes straight, i discovered the need to invest in some sports bras. ah, the sports bra. now i really felt like an athlete. i also discovered just how out of shape i really was. i almost passed out in a neighbor's yard. and the air was so cold that i was convinced that my lungs were bleeding, if that's possible. but wow, did i feel amazing afterwards! and i was in such a great mood! must have been those endorphin things that i've heard about.
unfortunately, i'm one of those people who want to see quick results. so, being in my 2nd week of my exercise routine, i'm expecting to see a slimmer physique when i look in the mirror before getting in the shower. and i'm thinking my jeans should be a tad bit looser. and the running should be a little easier. um, that's a negative. in fact, i may even be flabbier. and the running is getting harder. and my scales are still sitting at the highest number they've ever registered, unless you count my pregnancy weight.
so...what now? give up? decide that trying to do something good for my body isn't worth the trouble? tell myself that if i don't see any results after 2 weeks then i never will? nope. believe it or not, i'm actually going to stick with this. because when i close my eyes, i can see myself sporting a rockin' bikini bod this summer...and that's well worth the feeling of bleeding lungs, lack of sleep, aching shins, and calloused feet. oh yeah. bring it.
