tears and dog hair

i completely lost it this morning. after yelling at the dog and forcing her out the back door, arguing with madelyn over what she was going to wear ("no, madelyn, you wore that dress last sunday...yes, i know you like it, but let's give it a few weeks to rest, ok?"), and searching frantically for ella a pair of ruffled "church" socks, i curled up on the couch and sobbed.


this type of erratic behavior is not uncommon for a sunday, but it is embarrassing. and it makes me wonder if anyone else that i know has ever felt this way. why on earth would a grown woman get so upset that she would literally curl into the fetal position on her couch and cry? and after slowly pulling it together, start crying again at the fact that there's dog hair stuck to her tear-streaked cheek? and then break down again when everything in the closet needs ironing? why???


there has to be some underlying reason, like stress or hormones. but this particular morning, my irrationality was initiated by sleep. or the lack thereof, actually. all i wanted was to sleep in, and i just couldn't understand why ella insisted upon waking me up when her daddy was lying right beside me. yes, i realize that i'm the "mommy", but just once, i'd like for everything to be taken care of for me when it comes to the girls. i just want a break. so when ella announced that she was (and i quote) "starving" and that she "needed me to get up right now and make her breakfast", i secretly wanted to pretend i was asleep, hoping she would ask brian instead. no such luck.

then there's delilah. i love her, but she's wild. and she sheds. and most annoyingly, she chews. this dog has chewed on everything possible inside my house, from door frames to the foot board of my bed. so on this particular sunday morning, when she started chewing a tiny loop of berber carpet on the bottom step of our stairway, and eventually unravelled an entire 8 inch row of thread, i went ballistic.

which brings us to the couch. here i was, lying in a pool of tears and dog hair, tired and feeling sorry for myself, feeling so overwhelmed that i didn't even want to shower myself for church, and desperately wanting to go for a drive with delilah and drop her off in somebody down the street's yard.

"i'm about to get rid of this dog...i can't take it anymore!" i screamed.

and then, after a few minutes of silence, my 7 year old daughter said something that made me think.

"i'm glad you don't want to get rid of us when we make you mad."

she was right, of course. it was a simple sentence, a simple thought, yet so very true. and spoken by a child. losing control of our emotions, such as anger and frustration (even if over the simplest of things, like sleep deprivation or a rambunctious puppy) can cause us to act crazy. and it can make us say things we don't mean (like saying you're going to try to sell the family pet on ebay because she annoys the everloving snot out of you). so the next time i get mad, i'm going to close my eyes and imagine madelyn thanking me for keeping her and ella around even when they upset me. i guarantee i'll bite my tongue and think twice before uttering my next words.