i know this may come as a shock to some of you, but i can be snotty. it's true. in fact, there are times when words come out of my mouth that i know are going to be hurtful before they even leave my lips, but it's like i just have to say them. like i have this overwhelming compulsion to be mean. and pouting? ha, i'm a pro. my specialty is throwing a fit about something until the other person caves in, and then changing my mind about it so that i can pout that i didn't get to do whatever it was that i was throwing a fit about. "cutting my nose off to spite my face", as my mom would say. yes, i'm a 2 year old.
it's not like i do this all the time. and i'm only this way with certain people. namely, my husband. if we're in an argument and i have the option of saying something that is going to be really hurtful or keeping it to myself for fear of hurting his feelings, 9 times out of 10 i let the insults fly. and i'm notorious for keeping on and on about something until he gives in, only to say "well, never mind...you don't want to..." and then getting upset that i didn't get my way.
i'm not proud of this trait, but i've possessed it all my life so i guess it's here to stay. hey, at least i can admit it.
unfortunately, although my children did inherit some of my positive characteristics, they also got some of my not-so-appealing traits as well. last week, my parents and sister came to bowling green to visit and we went out to dinner when i got home from work. the car ride was pleasant, but when we got to the restaurant, madelyn wanted to take her purse in.
"no, just leave it in the car. there's nothing in it that you really need, and it's still kinda too big for you." case closed, no big deal. or so i thought.
somehow i missed the evil glares that were drilling holes into my back as we walked into the restaurant, but when we sat down in our booth, madelyn scooted all the way in and turned to face the brick wall.
"madelyn, what's the matter?" i asked. silence.
aunt jen tried. "talk to me, madelyn! are you excited to start school tomorrow?" nothing.
"fine," i said, "don't talk. i don't care."
"you wouldn't let me bring my purse in, now i have nothing to do!" she finally exploded.
"um, you could join in conversation with your family," i suggested. that did nothing but earn me the meanest, ugliest scowl you've ever seen.
after that, she complained about the appetizer i ordered ("why did you get that? i don't like chips and salsa! why can't we get cheese dip with it?"), almost cried that she couldn't play on mine or jen's iphones because mine was dead and jen's was in the car, and then got mad because the server brought her and ella free vanilla ice cream out of the goodness of his heart ("i don't like vanilla! i like chocolate!"). she changed her tune when i suggested that he not give her any ice cream at all if she wanted to keep up her little attitude.
"hmm," jen remarked, "she reminds me a lot of you."
"yep...she's got her rachel impersonation down pat," i replied.
and it was true. looking at those furrowed eyebrows and clenched teeth on my 8-year-old's face, i saw myself so very clearly. and it wasn't pretty.
later that night, in true "mini-rachel" fashion, madelyn apologized.
"you didn't act very nice at cheddars tonight," i commented.
madelyn lowered her head. "i know. i'm sorry..." and i knew that she was. she genuinely was. because i feel horrible whenever i act snotty, too. and i also knew that sometime in the upcoming week, she would probably keep on and on about something to get her way and then change her mind once i gave in. because that's what i do, too. and sure enough, after a heated discussion about which shoes she'd be wearing to school on thursday, and insisting upon wearing flip flops until i finally caved, she ultimately declared, "fine! i'll wear the tennis shoes because you want me to!" sigh.
it isn't easy raising rachel.
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